From my position on the floor, I looked out the window to find an equally tall building, but instead saw a mountain with no vegetation.

Just as I realized what a horrible thing I had just witnessed, fear spread through the room and I felt an explosion in the very tall building I was in!   The thought went through my mind, "Is this war?"

The building began to sway and it seemed clear it was about to topple to the ground.   With intense horror and hopelessness, I imagined the death we would shortly endure after the very long fall to the earth.  In utter fear, I felt the floor falling beneath me but the building, rather than falling sideways as I imagined it would, crumbled beneath us and we were falling and falling.

Suddenly I was on the ground with broken glass and pieces of the building raining down on me as I ran for my life, trying to escape.

The dream was so disturbing and realistic that I told my daughter about it - not an unusual thing for us to do - we often share dreams in the morning.  I even said that I thought I should probably try to find out what it means, but did not.

Then early Tuesday morning, September 11th, very tired after staying up until 3am sculpting, my husband woke me as he was about preparing to go to work and said, "I know you need your sleep and I probably shouldn't tell you this but two planes just crashed into the World Trade Center in New York and another into the Pentagon".

Half of my brain said, it will still be news when I wake up and the other half said, this is really important.  My husband and I stood watching the television as they showed footage of the planes crashing into those huge mountains of steel.  It seemed so far away and unreal.  Then suddenly the first tower crumbled and my knees gave way.   It was exactly like my dream...

Seeing the image of that building collapse,  I again experienced with a rush, the horror of being trapped inside a very tall building knowing I would die and falling, falling, falling.... then I remembered the airplane I saw crash in my dream.

Hysterical and shaking, I sobbed, "I had a dream... it happened exactly like that... it was in my dream... I told Melissa...we were falling and falling.. and the plane .. it crashed...".  I was trembling and cold, and I couldn't stop.  My poor husband didn't know what to do with me.  I had to call Melissa just to make sure I wasn't crazy.  She remembered me telling her about the dream but hadn't heard the news yet.

Although I was weak and tired I remained glued to the TV all day, I had to turn away when I saw the buildings collapse because I would again feel the ground fall beneath me and I would be overwhelmed by the feeling of panic throughout my body. 

I felt as though my head was paralyzed but my heart and hands were still connected so I continued to sculpt even though it was difficult. 

Finding myself weeping without warning, I decided I needed therapy.  "Shop Therapy" wasn't working so I determined to get my feelings out through my clay.

I imagined a sculpture of a weeping or mourning Statue of Liberty and then I decided I should sculpt the image from my dream of a woman lying on the floor clinging desperately to the carpet - something that would help exorcise the terror and pain that was inside me.

It took me a couple of days to get the courage to sit down and sculpt from that wounded part of my heart.  I knew it would be a painful journey but I was determined.  When I finally sat down with my clay, a wonderful thing happened. 

Instead of the image of fear and horror that I was "supposed" to create, a wonderful angel emerged from the clay. 

I had not intended to share the outcome of my "clay therapy" experience because it is intensely personal but it seems right now.  It feels as though for me the angel came forth from the clay as a sign of hope and faith in the bigger picture.

In the very big picture, when I try to balance the horror of that day with any possible good, I can see a few things:

As an American, I now understand patriotism and was very affected by the outpouring of support and the coming together of America.   But as a woman, I feel very strongly about the consequences of America's response on the women of Afghanistan. 

I created a sculpture titled, "Resurrection - Shedding The Burqua" in honor of those women.  To see images of that sculpture and to read the inspiration behind it, click here.

I believe that in general,  people are basically good, and try to do what their heart says is right.  I recognize that no matter what name we give our God, our Goddess, our Higher Power, we are more the same than we are different.

p.s. (11 April 2002) Reading over what I have written here still gives me anxiety, pain and still even tears, but the sculpture itself gives me a sense of peace and love for all of creation.  I am convinced that Love, not time, heals all wounds.

This angel has now been reproduced in pewter for sale, a portion of the proceeds will be donated to a an appropriate charitable organization.